Dad seldom soothes crying 14-month-old baby at night, gets angry when the baby cries when he holds her instead of her mom: 'He says that I am destroying his self esteem.'

Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor

Jun 24, 2026 12:30 PM EDT

How will he soothe the baby if he never soothes her first?

Babies don't always take to their fathers immediately. If you're a dad, you probably know that a lot of the time, a baby will prefer their mother when they're upset, but that's not something that can't be helped. A dad needs to put in the effort to build a relationship with his baby if he wants his baby to stop crying when he holds him. He needs to feed them with the bottle, change their diaper, and hold them when they cry. If he does that consistently, the baby will start wanting dad as much as they want mom.

If you're working all day and your partner is staying home with the baby, it's impossible to get as much time with the baby as they are getting. However, you can make up for that at night and take some time during the week to soothe the baby while your partner gets some well-needed sleep. The problem is that this often doesn't happen because the working parent's sleep is seen as more important than the caretaker's, which is fair enough. It shouldn't be all-or-nothing. One parent should be responsible for always waking up to soothe their baby. If they take on that responsibility, it's no wonder their baby prefers them to their partner. The person who comforts the baby when they're crying becomes the baby's safe place. If you never comfort your baby, you're practically a stranger to them. The dad in this story seldom comforts his baby when she wakes up, and it's affecting their relationship.

via Toa Heftiba

_{Models of a dad holding his crying baby, who always cries whenever he holds her instead of her mother.}
Am I the bad guy for sending my husband in to soothe our baby, even though it makes him feel badly because the baby cries every time he holds her?

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via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

_{A representation of a husband and wife arguing over who should soothe the baby at night and for how long.}
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_{A photo of what could be a dad talking to a therapist about his self-esteem issues regarding his baby crying every time he holds her.}
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